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A wake up call

A few weeks ago, I decided to weigh myself.  Don't really do it ever, I just don't pay attention to how much I weigh.  To me it's just a number.  I pay more attention to how I feel, a better indicaton of my health in my opinion.  Anyway, to my surprise the scale read 103 lbs!!!  What???  How could I weigh 103 lbs!  Well some of you may think, "Wow, I'd love to weigh 103 lbs."  But what went through my head was, "Ewww...grosss...way too skinny."  Made me feel anorexic and a bit sick.  I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the beginnings of a skeleton showing through.  Another ewww. 

I went to bed, and had a hard time getting that number out of my head.  I can't even remember when I turned past 100 lbs when I was young and growing, it was that long ago.  All I remember is that I ranged between 115-125 in high school and college.  I never remember feeling fat, just a little chubby in some key areas (like my thighs and derriere) that I tried to hide under my clothing.  I started thinking about how I got so thin.  I thought of a few reasons..which I won't share in detail...but the point is, I woke up.  I realized I need to eat more. 

Food and me have an interesting relationship.  I don't care about it.  One time I said to Rick, "I just eat to survive."  He laughed at me, but it's true.  I don't really care about food.  I don't hate it, I don't love it, it's just there and I have to eat it so I do.  So it's very easy for me to get busy during the day and forget to eat, or try to eat but get distracted by the kids needs while eating that I just don't finish my meal and by the end my appetite for it is ruined anyway.  And since I don't care much about it, I just eat enough to satiate my hunger and then I move on.  I'd rather be doing so many other things than sitting down eating.  I know, weird. 

It's taken me a while to figure this out, but I'm realizing that this is my relationship with food.  I've never been interested by the Food channel, never picked up a cook book with excitement, and I don't even like being in the kitchen (this has never caused any friction between Rick or I, wink wink).  Anyway, blab blab blah blah, I just need to eat more.  So I've started doing it, making myself eat until my belly is full.  Preparing larger portion sizes and finishing it off.  Good news is, it's working.  I've gained 5 lbs back already, and I AM feeling healthier.  That's what I was looking for.  Now I just need to figure out an exercise routine.

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